Been in so many things and still thinkin'

It's been a while since i posted my last blog. Anyway, I'm back on track now. I've been in so many things the past few days and I was really going thru a very very painful headache for 2 days already (hopefully will stop today).

I have never been so down like this that I almost wanted to give up and ended my life. Still breathing now because of my only son and my only love. Many many thanks to the 2 men in my life. I've been spending my spare lunch break in Shrine, talking to the Lord, asking him why is this all happening to me, as Maya said "things happen for a reason". Tuesday then, I can't get hold of myself to burst out all my pain, I just cried very hard, continue to cry and cry while chatting with by best friend and kuya Dennis (thanks to him, helping me out to ease my pain) Ohh boy, but where is my love, nahhh, he's busy with his work and just don't want to bug him. That day, that time, I wanted to die, I want to give up, my mind wants to stop thinking already of more ways on how to survive and live. Well, God always find ways to help me, in a very surprising way. I can attest to that :-)

Told my love of my burden, embraced me and let me felt of his love. Boommm, I felt strong, and said to myself,"Don't give up Allie, don't you ever do" Because if you do, everything will fall down same with all my love ones in life.

Soon, and I'd really like it to be very soon to happen,  I want to get out of here, face new horizon in my career, stand up and get to know more of my skills.

Happy to be of aging

Sad to say that I'm already 28 years old but but but, I am really learning. Each day of my life I have come across of maturity when it comes in handling situations, handling relationship and of course not to forget being a Mom. Even though I still have learn more of being a very good, efficient Mom, I can say that I have let my son grow in my own way.

Why do I say I am really maturing? Take for example the little argument I had last night with my love one. I know myself being a little bit nagger and talkative when it comes to arguments especially when I'm the right. I was able to calm down my self, my temper and was able to talk in a very decent manner. I was able to bring up my points and issue. To cut it short we didn't clash up. The clash is very possible because we are both stressed at work and tired but we just kept quiet.

The next day, we saw each other smiling already as if we got enough sleep but we did not.We said sorry to each other and said I LOVE YOU in messenger before we continue our work :-)

Now, I can see and feel the advantage of having trials and sufferings in life at an early age. Appyling what I've learned and realized. Using them in a proper way and making the right decision although there won't be a perfect decision because it might end up to be the wrong one.

Indeed, the Lord will give what it good .......

Self-control

Tonight, i am really learning of my self control of my hot temper hahahah....... thanks to me I am learning of it. What I do, i take a deep breath then exhale very long. The wrong side of it is, i get a little bit headache. A mild migrain maybe or mild high blood.
 
I've been sleeping late at nights since Sunday , now will be 3 days in a row, but it's ok there is valid reason behind it. I can take a long sleep this coming weekend.
 
Anyway, this will be all for now tonight, I just had many posts for today as you can see ...........
 

Tired today!

Why is it when your in love you can give everything as in anything and everything, whew..... I think I am doing that as in now right now.  I can't even voice out to my love my whole anger, when I get to talk to him already, my heart melts down oh my oh my am I really like this?????? When I'm in love I'm really in love to the max, but not to the extent that I don't have anything left for myself oh well of course, I have another heart especially for my son. I know right now that I felt this love because God give it to me, as long as I am feeling love in my heart I should not stop loving a special someone.
 
This is a sign of happiness from above and that all my love ones in heaven has granted me to love again. I know for sure they want me to be happy and also for my son to have a second father.
 
Why is it when you have plenty of money you don't have love, when you have love you don't have money? Is this TRUE? Hmmmm anyone can comment on this. Battle with it , I am open .......... 

A time felt alone

After my first unforgettable and 2nd trial, there was really a time that I really felt so alone even if I have my only son. It's still different if you have your own companion to be with beside at all times. When we were still in Boni office, I usually spend my crying lunch time in the cemetery where my hubby lies. I just sit down there, speak by  myself and cry. I want to tell all my fears, problems, heartaches and sufferings to him. I always tell him that if he did not leave me I won't be in this kind of situations. I can still remember he told me that if one of us will die he prefers himself to die first rather than me. The reasob he gave me was he'e very sure that I can survive by myself because of my strenght within me. I can now prove to that :-) thanks for the guidance of the lord and the love and support of my whole family.
 
It's just hard to raise my only son without the guidance of a father. Good thing I have someone right now who loves my adorable kid. He's also helping me out to discipline my son like a real father :-)Whew that's really tough. I can pretend to be a man but I can't do what a real man can and they have their own style and strategy to raise a son.
 
Me and my new love in life have so many plans in the future, I just hope and pray that we can fulfill it in God's time. The most important to me now as in my # 1 priority is to be married to him. I want to be his wife, to be the mother of his children and to build a simple, happy family.
 
I believe deep in my heart 100% that this will come true very soon because I know that God wants me and my son to be happy. I can really feel that this is already the gift I'm waiting for from the Lord.
 
Thank God am still holding on ............

All My Life - America

This song was dedicated to me by him when he got a chance to be in Cebu and heard this song, years we did not see each other, still he remembered me that this song is for me :)
 
All My Life

All my life, without a doubt I give you
All my life, now and forever till the
Day I die, you and I will share

All the things this changing world can offer
So I sing, I'd be happy just to
Stay this way, spend each day, with you

There was a time, that I just thought
That I would lose my mind
You came along and then the sun did shine
We started on our way
I do recall that every moment spent
Was wasted time but then I chose to lay it on the line

I put the past away
I put the past away
I put the past away

All my life, I will carry you through
All my life, between each hour of the passing days
I will stay with you

There was a time, that I just thought
That I would lose my mind
You came along and then the sun did shine
We started on our way
I do recall that every moment spent
Was wasted time then I chose to lay it on the line

I want this all my life
I want this all my life
I want this all my life
I want this all my life
I want this all my life
I wanted this all my life

 

2nd Trial for me !

Being in Customer service is really a tough job and responsibility, thanks to my moderator, she really made me enjoy my work and to discover my craft in the field of customer service. As I was enjoying that job, my life is starting to be colorful again. Accidentally, I got to meet again my old high school classmate since first year high school. This guy happen to be my admirer since then but we never had a chance to be in a relationship because of young age. After 9 years, I was just overwhelmed that since then he kept his love for me. He really took a chance knowing that I'm a wdiow already, he propose his true love to me. Part of me , he needs to accept wholeheartedly my only son. Everything went well for me and him and my son. Onto our 8 month, while I was in the office very busy working, I called him up thru his mobile and was answered by his sister in law. She informed me that my man is rushed to hospital having a very high blood pressure that went thru his head and also the fact that his 2 kidneys are not functioning anymore. I didn't know what to feel that time, I was put into shock again, I want to faint but I get hold of myself, I said "No, I should be strong, I just have to believe God that my man is in good hands and shape" Got permission from my boss to immediately go to the hospital, my walk as if I was already running, go directly to the ICU, saw his Mom praying at the other side of the waiting area of the floor. His mom saw me then cried already, then I can't get hold of myself than to cry too. His mom told me what had happened. Seriuos things I got to know that was kept secret by him to me in which I understood him why he had to do that because of my first trial. His mom even told me that before my man became unconcious, his last words is my name, calling my name repeatedly many times. That time I really felt his true and great love for me since then.
 
I got a chance to enter his room, my God I really don't know what to feel, what to say and what to do when I saw him lying in bed with so many things in his mouth and body. I wanted to kneel that time because of my depression . In my mind there's a question again: :Lord why it had to be me again in this situation why, why, why........ I went home that same night like a robot again, too many questions to asked to the Lord.
 
The next day I went back to the hospital to take care of him, beside him I know he can hear me say words to his ears, I talked to him in a normal way, telling stories of what had happened to me in the past days. I also got to sing to his ears his song to me "All my Life" by America. In a little while singing that song, tears went down from his eyes, knowing that he's really hearing me clearly. Oh God, I was just feeling that time the strenght I need to have for him, I often say to him that he can do it for me. I just believe in the Lord that he will grant my prayers to give him a second life. After being there for 3 days, the doctors finally announced that he has no life anymore. I was there that time, saw how he was being pumped many times to be revived by still to no avail of breathe :-(
 
Back to square one, have to recover again, but now I have to be much stronger than the first one. I want to prove to myself that I can do it and accept it. Again, with the help of my own family plus the full support of my man's family, I recovered easily maybe because I already know how to handle the same situation. I rested again for many months for full recovery.
 
Until now, I still have communication with his family, they treat me and my son their own familia.
 
Having my own life now with my son is such a big responsibility but it keeps me on my toes. Having my motto not to give up whatever trial God will give me. I know keep in mind that things happen for a reason and I'm beginning to discover one by one the reasons behind.
 
Besides, currently I am so happy now with my current life, with my son, my family and my new love.
 
I have to go on with my life positively, live in my present and my future and not to leave in my past :-)
 

Unforgetable First :-(

My life after my first journey was very normal same with my family of course. Going to work everyday then go home at night to be with my own family. One night, something happened that I didn't expected it would come to me (i just hoped it was just a bad dream but it was not); my partner and companiion in life had his first massive heart attack (according to the doctor who treated him and the result of the autopsy), he died at the age of 36 and me got widowed at the age of 24:-(. By that split seconds,I lost someone special in my life. I was alone with my precious Vince on my lap in the emergency room. I almost got lost of my mind that time, don't know what to do, what to say and what to have thought. Thank God my Mom was there and my whole family to support me. My mom and my sisters carry me all throughout that incident. I never got to blame the Lord , I just asked myself why it need to happen to me and hopefully all the answers will come at the right time. I never lost my faith in God, I continue with my life but at first I was like a robot, going to the office, doing my routined work, laughing with my collegaues in a way that I can't force myself to be natural :-( The days and nights are the same for me, at night, i just cry and cry hard until i got to sleep; whole day for me is normal but the fact that nobody can make a joke on me as I will return it back to them huhh - who wants to try to do a joke on me that time as in no one can't bcoz for sure i'll be shouting on them.
 
Days & months passed by, good thing I have my work and my only son to let me recover in time. I began to change my life, my way of dressing, my  image, my work attitude and more. Soon I realized it was all for a very good purpose. I know God will not try me if I am very weak to accept trials in life all by myself. I began to think what if, if I was the one who was taken by the Lord, what would happen to my only son...... what will the life of my hubby and son be?.....Well I really would'nt know only God knows. I now realize that God is really giving me good life even if my financial problems is still coping up until now.
 
For now, I will not give up onto anything that will lessen my faith in God. Things just fall into the right place now little by little.
 
I will make my life the most out of it. My life is only one and I will make it right now and enjoy it will all my love ones.

My Journey since then :-)

When I first got into college, I never thought of what am I going to be when I graduated, all I have in mind is that I want to work in an office. Then have a family of my own at the age 25 but it didn't happen.  I had my own friends since the first day of college school, we were 7 already that time and to the graduation day we sticked together. Happy to know that until now we still have communication plus constant gathering. Finally, I graduated college and started to work after 2 months of applying. Started from the very first level of work as clerical worker in Treasury dept and I almost give up but did not so I continue to work for at least 5 months contractual. Of course, I started working at the same time I am married already at the age of 20 :-( But no regrets I happily married to the man I wanted to. My boring work continues until such time I got pregnant and also the time my contract will expire at work. Gosh, I don't know what to do then, I talked to my immediate boss and told her the truth that I am 2 months preggy already and they can tell me upfront if they will still need my service in working there. I will gladly accept their decision whatever it is. The happiest part was they did not finish my contract but extended it to 1 month just to complete my duration of 6 months and to be regularized immediately :-) i thank god bout it. I also never thought of being the Jr. Bills Processor of our dept., maybe because they liked the way I worked. Then came another storm in my life and my own family, since I am working in a broadsheet newspaper, headlines are just there and it hitted directly our President Erap (which the President fought back to our owner Madam). To the point that she has to sell the paper then affected the whole employees. Unfortunately, I was one of them :-(. There is a saying if there's a storm there will always be rainbow after, Executive office offered me another job as Admin asst. for one of the subsidiaries of our company. So the hard work continues, training and blah blah blah.
 
Now, I am one of the Sales Associate of one of the prestigous companies here in the Phils. Coming from Jr Bills Processor, Admin Officer, Sales Coordinator, Customer Care Officer and now in Sales group. The skills I've learned is really kept in my mind and trying to apply in my everday leaving and work.
 
I am really looking forward of moving in a better life :-)