Why ME ? <------

This is not my time of the week and month. So many things happened and are happening still. Before going to the office, I drop by to the church for HIM to give us more strength, guidance and more love.

I really can't explain how am I feeling right then and now. Don't know also what to say for myself. Naahh It's really hard to advice to yourself, yeah right ........ All I wanna do is cry, cry and cry more just to ease all the pain I am feeling right now....... (really, typing this blog just makes my tears fall)

You can never have all the love in the world (like the song of the Corrs). I am thinking that writing this blog can help me release what my true feelings are. I need to have an outlet or else I will burst into emotions of everything.

Stress and pressure at work makes a big factor to me and my love that affects our relationship. Knowing the fact that he's just tired and everything. I need to practice and really start now to adjust to meet him halfway without expectations. Yes, definitely we are in the adjusting period (everybody does, except for those 7 yrs and up relationship). I get paranoid of thinking that he doesn't love me anymore and will leave me. But I have to stuck into my mind the words he gave me, that he loves and that I should trust him. I should really start doing that.

I am a crying lady and that's a fact, I just really really hope that he accepts me for being like that.

Minsan tuloy naiisip ko na sana di na lng ako na inlove or never na sana akong magmahal after that all that happened to me. But I just believed in the Lord that he wants me to love again and I know he will not give me to this man if he's not worth for me or vice versa. Bothered of thinking right now of what to do, am I going to give up and let him go or not, to stay with him and support him until he has overcome everything? All I know at this time, I love him so much, the reason why i have tears for him, and undecided on what to do.

Upon arriving here in the office, I turned on my pc and texted him right away, my message was :
"
Ally ingat ka po ha, I know na pist off ka na sakin the past few days, for all the wrong doings dat ive done to u I'M SORRY. Just tell me kung gsto mo muna ako lumayo syo ha 2 give u space , I'll respect that . I will support still. If ever u decide on that I'll wait pa rin for you. I LOVE YOU.
I have loved you ally, we are both presssured & stressed sa work pati na rin family matters.Nasa adjusting period pa rin tyo of really getting 2 know better. I know my lapses and am willing to adjust to meet u halfway for the better of our relationship. I will not give up ally on us dahil alam ko kaya natin to."

There is something holding me to give him up and that is something I don't know why. In my mind all I know is just that I love him so much, that I am willing to be with him for better or for worst. I have accepted him for whomever he is and whatever he is. His family and everything, his strengths and weaknesses.

I just hope that we could talk and he will also open up to me so we could really furnish things out for the better of our relationship. I will wait for the right time for this.

Another thing that is bothering me, that is my son, he's been not behaving in school, I need to focus on him right now, not tomorrow, not the next day but NOW.

I need to balance everything in my entire life now, as in balance my love, my son, my mom and my work.

GOD HELP ME AND GUIDE ME to be more stronger.